Awe

Today is my grandmothers birthday 4/22/42 – I miss her alot but i feel her with me all the time. its cool.

I’m going through a big transition right now, but this just means i go inward. I feel bad for ghosting everybody but i cant and dont feel like doing the thing where you obsess over the current issues you’re going through and it becomes all i talk about. I don’t want that so i just isolate, because people poke and prod. people are nosey and don’t know boundaries. You see?

Anyway though, i went to Arizona over the weekend. First Havasupai then spent the weekend in Sedona. It was an Indian reservation so that was really beautiful to witness. We hiked in and helicoptered out!! Being on sacred land like that was crazy but familiar. I spent alot of time in the water, i felt the energy of the water and how pure it felt against my skin, ugh sooooo good. i cant even explain it, its just an experience.

I feel so blessed, like no matter what im protected. Therapy is going well, i really appreciate my therapist – I’ve been working on my childhood, mother/father relationships, recognizing unhealthy patterns that are being passed down to me and actually doing the work to become a better version of myself. Taking self-care to another level by upholding my boundaries.
Omg, i got my bestfriend back!!!!!!!!! yall after a few years this bitch reached out to me and asked to talk and i literally was like YES + we picked up exactly where we left off. I’m so grateful to have her back in my life and we can grow old together like true friends are supposed to, like thats really my sister fr. I love you Kiers!

I often find myself in a state of awe. Wanting desperately to be alone but i’m also feeling alot of guilt around being this person who “cultivates community” and always so “supportive” of everyone and i just wanna relieve myself of that responsibility because since i havent been that person the last few months i feel bad. I’m rediscovering who i am and what my boundaries are. I’m still reliable, intuitive, intellectual, kind, joyful – mystical. I’m still myself at the end of the day – i just want to be free from these expectations that others have placed on me about who i’m supposed to be!

I’ve never felt more alive than I do right now.

mood¹– noun

a temporary state of mind or feeling.

frame of mind, emotional state; humor, temper, spirit